How To Make Relationships Work

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Learning how to make relationships work is crucial for your life.
how to make relationships work
We humans are social animals. When our relationships with those around us do not work, we are paralyzed by fear and, therefore, unable to function otherwise in the world.

This reaction stems from our days as hunter-gatherers, where being ostracized from the group meant certain death.

A huge part of how to make relationships work is giving and receiving appreciation. This point holds true for any relationship be it intimate, next of kin or work.

The problem is that every person has a distinct form of communication in which he or she accepts appreciation from others. The use of any other manner will not get through to them. It might even be counter-productive.


The Art of Appreciation

In his books, Gary Chapman identifies five different of the so-called Love Languages ®:

words of affirmation

Words of Affirmation
People with this form of communication react well to compliments and encouragements. They are also very sensitive to the tone of your voice.
 

quality time

Quality time
When you give someone with this Love Language your undivided attention or you share meaningful experiences together, they feel appreciated.
 

receiving-gifts

Receiving Gifts
Visual symbols of acknowledgment are vital to that part of the population. The origin of the present or it’s monetary value doesn’t matter as much as the giving itself.
 

acts of service

Acts of Service
Those folks enjoy it when you do something for them that requires thought and energy. This service might involve running an errand, taking a task off their hands or doing chores at home.

physical touch

Physical Touch
Receiving appreciation through their body plays a huge role in those person’s life, whether it is in business situations through handshakes and a pat on the back or in intimate relationships through hugs, kisses, and sexual intercourse.

Beware: Adverse effects

Your form of communication must be appropriate to the person you are speaking to, tailored to the time and place, and imbued with the right motivation.

Do this correctly and your relationships will flow effortlessly.

If you are oblivious to this fact, however, your attempts to praise will fail and lead to growing resentment. They might even turn to hatred if your relationship is already negatively biased.

Here is how the Love Languages ® can be construed by the recipient, especially when you overdo them or have ulterior motives:

words of deception

Words of Deception
Compliments are easily made up without any thought or basis in reality. You might just be considered a manipulator.
 

detention time

Detention Time
Prolonged periods of undivided attention feel like you are trying to take away their freedom. As a result, they most likely will keep their distance.
 

receiving bribes

Receiving Bribes
You are only giving to get or making some vague promises for the future, dangling the proverbial carrot.
 

acts of patronizing

Acts of Patronizing
Your efforts give off the impression that your counterparts cannot do something correctly by themselves. They are being treated like a child again.
 

physical harassment

Physical Harassment
This one is especially delicate as the wrong way will cost you your job or even land you in jail.
 

How To Make Relationships Work

On that premise, the first step in how to make relationships work is always to find out what form of communication your partners prefers.

Just observe them in their day to day activities. What do they react to?

Usually, they give appreciation in the same language that they want to receive.

When you then praise them in their language, less is more:

words of affirmation light

Words of Affirmation
Compliment them only on things they put thought in or worked for.
 
 

quality time light

Quality time
Give them your full attention only for the time they want to interact with you. Do not linger.
 

receiving gifts light

Receiving Gifts
A thoughtful gift that’s related to that person’s life goes a long way.
 
 

acts of service light

Acts of Service
Do the small tasks that help them doing a better job. Continue with your life, when you are done.
 

physical touch light

Physical Touch
A lite pat on the back after an accomplishment at work or an accidental brush with your body on your intimate partner might just do the trick.
 

Conclusion

Implementing the Love Languages ® will increase the quality of your relationships.

Having them run smoothly allows you a clear mental space for the other important things.


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